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Nurvingiel
and Spomonie entered the dingy, brick building. They had found it
with difficulty, in a neighbourhood that was almost completely
abandoned.
N: I knew we had a limited budget -
S: Try no budget.
N: Yes, anyway this building is a bit much.
Nurvingiel was awkwardly carrying an overhead projector, and
Spomonie had a backpack with supplies. Inside, Nurvingiel set up
the projector on the desk, and plugged it in. Fortified by mugs
of tea and random exotic food, Spomonie and Nurvingiel prepared
for their very first MST.
They sat down in two old armchairs, food arrayed in front of
them. Nurvingiel turned on the projector.
*whirr*
Never
Again
S: (Author) Will I
write fan fiction.
N: And there was much rejoicing.
Author:
green-leaf9
PLOT:
N: (Author) There isn't
one! Haha, suckers.
Legolas falls for
Arwen, but she isn't his to ever have.
N: (Aragorn) Never ever!
She belongs to Aragorn and is
on the verge of becoming a mortal herself.
Rivendell was such a beautiful place to dwell in, especially in
the House of Elrond.
S: (Random Elf of
Rivendell) Actually, I live in the little known Last Homely
Bungalow, further up the valley.
Legolas found a certain welcoming peace there as he always
did.
N: Until the invasion of the
fangirls and Legolas/Gimli slash writers.
That day seemed a bit more
special though. Aragorn, four hobbits, and Arwen came up severel
days ago
S: (Glorfindel) Who drugged my
wine? Where is Asfaloth?
and a meting with
the Council of Elrond had taken place.
N: (Elrond) Get that meting out of
my house, it soils the carpets.
It seems as though one of the
hobbits who was a ring bearer almost was killed, but Arwen had
save dhim and brought him to Rivendell. The others had
follwoed
N: (Author) Flipping spell check!
Fine, I won't use one.
soon after arriving a bit
later.
S: (sarcastic) No, they followed
soon after but somehow managed to arrive years too late.
At the meeting Legolas had
volunteered to offer his service and become a part of the
fellowship of the ring, which was 9 of them including
Legolas.
N: Lets take this opportunity to
eat the dolmades.
S: What are those again?
N: Vine leaves stuffed with rice, and covered in olive oil.
Both: (chew)
They were to leave on a journey
to destroy the ring in several days after the hobbits, Aragorn,
and Gandalf were well rested.
N: Here, have some commas.
S: (Author) Oh I couldn't.
N: (Insistently) I insist.
Now everything was alright and
organized.
N: Except for that pesky quest to
destroy the One Ring. But other than that, it was alright.
All they had to do was
wait.
N: For the Dark Lord to eat their
SOULS!
To Legolas it seemed to be
taking forever.
S: Which is saying something, since
he's immortal.
Perhaps it were the thoughts
that were bothering the Elf about certain things. He knew he
shouldn't be thinking of those sort of things, but he couldn't
help himself.
N: He thought about these things he
shouldn't be thinking about, and then he said, "I shouldn't be
thinking about this."
He had to admit that he had a
bit of a school boy's crush on Lady Arwen, daughter of
Elrond.
N: Movie-Arwen's a Mary Sue! Is
that possible?
Elegant, beautiful, and
brave.
That is exactly how he would describe her.
S: She has Sue qualities. I will
call her... Su-arwen.
N: Nice work.
Legolas was leaning against a
large tree fiddeling with his bow
N: As Michael Flatley danced.
S: (snickers)
and letting his thoughts take
over his mind.
S: Normally his mind was occupied
by empty space.
N: (Legolas) Hey, leave the real me out of this. I am not as the
author describes. (Mutters) School-boy crush... what ever that
is.
He had spied on Aragorn and
Arwen on the balcony the other night.
S: Ew! Legolas!
N: (Legolas) Remember, not the real me.
He was more then upset, but
never let it show.
S: (Legolas) Real elves hide their
feelings.
The two had shared a kiss
N: (Arwen) Here, you can have
half.
S: (Aragorn) Gee, thanks Arwen.
and Arwen had been speaking of
becoming mortal to be with Aragorn. Legolas hated the idea of her
being with Aragorn and to add that she might become mortal?
S: (Legolas) Even worse, I might be
redundant!
That just made things worse. He
felt deeply and truly troubled by this, but he made sure above
all other things never to let anyone know.
N: (Legolas) Except for Arwen,
Aragorn, Elrond, Asfaloth...
He treated Aragorn with the
deep respect and trust that he had for the mortal since the day
they met.
S: Yesterday.
"Legolas? What are you doing
out here all by yourself?"
N: (Legolas) Peeping on you and
Aragorn. I mean... would you believe out for a walk?
Immedietly the elf recognized
the voice and looked up to greet Arwen with delight in his
eyes.
N: (Legolas) I've got something in
my eye. (fishes it out) That's better.
"And how may I help the
beautiful sight before me?"
N: (Legolas) Oh, and you too
Arwen.
Arwen gave him a small smile
before sitting close next to him.
S: (Arwen) Here, have this smile.
It's not very big.
N: (Legolas) Oh, I love it!
"You flatter me too much."
N: (Arwen) Please stop. And stop
spying on me.
He shrugged. "That isn't always
a bad thing, my lady." he looekd over her perfect face.
S: (Arwen) Argh! What are you doing
to my face?
N: (Legolas) Looekding over it.
"Where's Aragorn? Where is the
secret affair headed for?
N: (Arwen) Gerald's Bakery.
Details if you don't mind." he
smirked.
Arwen looked down at the ground and then up,
N: And then back at the ground, and
then up again.
S: (Legolas) What are you doing?
N: (Arwen) Neck exercises.
staring deep into Legolas'
eyes.
N: (Arwen) If I look hard enough, I
can actually see the back of your head.
He almost looked away, but the
elf kept his eyes on hers.
S: (Legolas) Hey, I can see the
back of your head too!
"Legolas, we've known each
other for so long. I need your advice about something."
N: (Arwen) Should I wear a pink
dress or a green dress?
S: (Legolas, blurts) I'm in love with you Arwen! I mean...
pink?
Arwen said, taking his
hand.
N: To the drycleaners.
He nodded. "Anything for you,
love."
N: (Legolas) There goes my plan not
to let anyone know my feelings for Arwen.
There was a brief pause. "I'm
in love with Aragorn, you know that...I'm going to become
mortal...actually, I've already chosen.
S: (Arwen) Before I become mortal,
I have to do something about this stutter. Can you help me?
And...I don't know. If...when I
become mortal I'll eventually die.
N: You will die. That's the beauty
of mortality.
I want to set things right
here
N: Next to my potted plant,
before then. I love Aragorn so
much that I'm willing to give up my
N: (Arwen) Favourite chair
immortality."
S: Nice try Nurv.
Legolas stared at her for
several long moments.
N: As opposed to a few short
moments.
"You don't seemed surprised."
she said.
N: (Legolas, looking around
nervously) Nothing surprises me!
"I am.
N: (Legolas) Crap.
" he answered. "I don't think
you should just give up your immortality though. Be with him, but
don't do such a thing. Be with him until he dies,
S: (Legolas) And after that, I can
move in! Maybe even sooner because Aragorn will be old a feeble.
Buahaha!
but don't choose death over
life for yourself as well. You...and I are graced with a
wonderful gift to live forever.
N: (Legolas, hinting) Even...
together forever.
You don't want to just wither
away, do you?"
N: (Legolas) Because that is what
will happen to Aragorn, if you know what I mean.
before she could speak he
continued. "I know that you're probeley thinking that you knew
that I'd say this,
N: (Legolas) because I have been
heard muttering this for weeks as I wander Rivendell at
night,
but what I'm saying is true.
Explain to Aragorn all of this.
S: (Legolas) As well as the
Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
N: I had to take Calculus... (stares morosely into her tea)
S: Cheer up, mock the out of character romance!
N: (brightens)
Don't give up your life.Make
Aragorn understand that you can't. What is love if the one you
love doesn't understand
N: Calculus
?"
There were tears in Arwen's eyes.
S: (Arwen) I've got something in my
eye.
"Legolas...I've already
chosen." she whispered.
N: (Arwen) It will be the green
dress. But not a real green dress, that's cruel.
For several moments they said
nothing.
S: They just stared at the inside
of each other's skulls.
"If that is what you choose,
then I will honor it.
N: (Legolas) Because I love you!
Did I say that out loud?
I respect you in every aspect
and I trust that you have made the descision that you truly wish
for." he paused. "You know, Aragorn is very lucky."
N: (Legolas) He always wins at
backgammon.
"No...I'm lucky to have both
you and Aragorn in my life."
He smiled brushing away a strand of her hair from her face.
"You're beautiful."
"Do you want something?"
S: (Legolas) Yes, I'll have a
coffee, double double.
"Not at all, my beloved
Evenstar." his smile slowly disappeared. "Mortal?"
She gave his hand a squeeze.
N: (Legolas' hand) (crunch)
"It's what I truly want."
N: (Arwen) So are you going to get
me pickles and ice cream or what?
S: (Legolas) Are you trying to tell me something?
He shook his head. "You have
all of my blessings upon you, just to let you know."
N: (Legolas) And your zipper is
down, just to let you know.
"I know."
N: (Arwen) (zip)
Legolas drew her closer and
pressed his nose against hers.
S: (Legolas) Look harder!
N: (Arwen) Okay fine! You do have a few blackheads.
"I will always be here for you
when you need me. Day or night, anywhere you want me to be I'll
be there."
N: (Legolas) Because I stalk
you.
Arwen smiled. "Thats a very
comforting thought."
N: (Arwen) I like being
stalked.
Without thinking at all Legolas
leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Arwen's lips.
N: (Arwen) Legolath? It theems to
make me talk funny.
He had done it before he even
knew what he was doing.
S: (Legolas) Who am I? Where am
I?
All of a sudden he felt a great
pang of guilt overflow him and at the same time a greater love
for Arwen.
N: Guilt and love...
S: (singing) ...Go together like a horse and carriage!
He was surprised as she let him
kiss her very gently and softly.
N: (Arwen) Hm. You don't give me a
whisker rub like Aragorn.
A great deal of love poured out
of Legolas
N: Based on the Submergence
Potential of Love, relative to Air.
as the kiss grew longer.
N: (singing) Inch by inch, row by
row, I'm gonna make my garden grow...
He became desperate for Arwen
to kiss him back and soon enough she did.
Arwen.
N: (Arwen) That's my name, don't
wear it out.
That was all that was going
through Legolas' mind.
S: But there was still room for
empty space.
It hadn't been the first kiss
he had shared with her. Many, many years ago when they were only
children he stolen a kiss from her.
N: (Arwen) Hey, give that back!
S: (Legolas) Okay. (smooch)
N: (Arwen) Wait...
Elrond had made a large
celebration
N: (Elrond) Look what I made!
S: (Arwen) It's large.
at his enormous house and in
the gardens Legolas had marched right up to
S: Gigantic
Arwen and asked for a
N: Massive
dance. She had accepted and
there had been many
N: Gargantuan
onlookers.
S: (Onlookers) We were told there
was a rugby game.
In the middle of it he had
kissed her right on the lips in front of everyone including her
father. It had been quite an amusing sight for everyone.
N: (People) Haha! People kissing!
We need to get out more.
Very slowly and reluctantly
Legolas pulled away from the sweet kiss and stared at Arwen for
several moments.
N: Not just one.
They were silent for a great
time.
S: (Legolas) It's great when you
aren't talking.
N: (Arwen) I feel the same way about you.
Finally Arwen stood up and
quickly Legolas followed. They stood there staring at each other
for a great deal of time.
S: Being immortal, Elves have a lot
of time on their hands.
N: (Arwen) I'm bored.
S: (Legolas) We can't stop yet, we haven't stared at each other
for the allotted amount of time.
"Arwen! Legolas! I've been
looking all over the place for you two." Aragorn came running
down a path and straight up to Arwen and Legolas who were still
standing there. He noted the looks on their faces.
N: (Aragorn, writing) Okay, we have
"Contemporary" on Legolas and "Renaissance" on Arwen.
S: (Legolas) I'm in love with Arwen!
N: (Aragorn, drops notepad in surprise) What!?
S: (Legolas) The Eagles are coming! The Eagles are coming!
N: (Aragorn) I'm not distracted.
"What's wrong:? Is everything
alright?"
N: (Aragorn) And that statement is
not a yes or no question.
Arwen was silent.
S: For an obscenely long period of
time.
"Of course." said Legolas,
glancing at Arwen. "You are very lucky, Aragorn to have someone
like Arwen.
N: (Legolas) And I am not. Woe is
me.
Anyone that is lucky enough to
share their life with someone like her is truly and deeply lucky
without a doubt."
N: (Aragorn) It's all because of my
lucky rabbit's foot.
S: (Rabbit) If it's so lucky, why did I get a foot cut off!?
Aragorn frowned slightly. "I
suppose she told you."
N: (Aragorn) I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to dye your bow puce.
"Yes." He nodded his head and
began to walk away. "I must be off now. Frodo asked of me a favor
of which I'm going to busy myself with
N: (Legolas) To keep my mind off
how I just kissed your girlfriend.
now until we depart from
Rivendell." he stopped and walked back over to Arwen and bowed.
"I believe this is where I say good-bye to you.
S: Or is it?
I will be greatly busy with
things so I won't be able to see you again.
N: (Legolas) Ever. I plan to die on
this quest.
Until and if we meet again,
S: (Legolas) Actually, I think I'll
not die.
Lady Arwen, it was a great
honor to have known you."
N: (Legolas, darkly) Nice knowing
you Arwen.
Legolas leaned over and kissed
her head.
N: (Aragorn, suspiciously) You seem
to be awfully familiar with kissing Arwen.
With that Legolas turned and
walked away, not turning back.
N: That's so sad, I'm really
moved... to another room.
S: (gets up to leave)
N: No not really.
S: (lamely indicates fanfiction) But... boring... (sits down
resignedly) Okay.
Never again would he know the
true meaning of what love really was without Arwen in his
life.
N: (Legolas) Arwen always told me
love is the capital of Australia.
Never again to taste the
sweetness of her kiss.
N: (Legolas) Tastes like
chicken.
Never again to be in love as he
had been for so many years with Arwen and never knowing it.
N: (Legolas) All that time I
thought it was indigestion.
Never Again.
N: Will I play shuffleboard with a
Black Mamba.
S: And that's all folks!
N: In the spirit of Lord of the MST, we will say one good thing
this fic. May I?
S: Go for it Nurv.
N: For this story, the author has a reasonable command of the
English language, and it was short. Two things. I will say two
good things about the story. The author has a reasonable command
of the English language, it was short, and the author wasn't
self-inserted as a Mary Sue. Three things... I will come in
again.
One Review, from One Anonymous
Genius:
great story: 2002-01-07
how could u do dat 2 legolas!?!?!?!??!?! u cant do dat. now open
up a new page and write a happy ending sequel thingy for it. i
hate sad endings. great story so far though. luv it. reward it
best story of da day. legolas/ arwen 4ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Special thanks to:
- Monty Python for becoming a cultural icon and providing me with
funny lines. There are two in this story. Find them and win a
prize!
- The Mouth of Sauron for "Eat your SOULS!"
- The Barenaked Ladies for "But not a real green dress, that's
cruel."
- My Fair Lady for "Go together like a horse and carriage"
- AW at Lord of the
MST.
bravenet.com